I hate this life. I hate knowing that my baby should be here now and he isn’t. This week has sucked. My csection would have either been on Tuesday the 21st or today, the 24th. At this moment I should be holding my baby in my arms. I should be trying to get him to latch. I should be counting his perfect fingers and perfect toes. I should be kissing his head and taking in that sweet new baby smell. What if I can’t have another one? What if my body doesn’t go back to normal? I want my baby. I need my baby. I look at my sweet little monkey and I hold him just a little tighter. He doesn’t miss his brother. How could he? He doesn’t know he had a brother. How I wish that I could take pictures of my two boys together. Every family picture will always be missing someone. No matter how many more children that I have, Andrew will always be missing. I hate this!